20 Unspoken Boundaries for Being Friends with an Ex

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Maintaining a friendship with an ex-partner can be a challenging and delicate process. While it’s not impossible, it requires both parties to establish clear boundaries and navigate their post-breakup relationship with care and respect. In this comprehensive guide, we’ll explore 20 unspoken boundaries for being friends with an ex, helping you to maintain a healthy, platonic connection after the romantic relationship has ended.

Part 1: Emotional Boundaries

  1. Give each other space: After a breakup, it’s crucial to give each other space and time to heal. Avoid rushing into a friendship, and allow both parties to process their emotions independently.
  2. Avoid discussing past relationship issues: Bringing up past relationship issues can lead to emotional turmoil and confusion. Keep conversations focused on your current friendship and avoid dwelling on what went wrong in the romantic relationship.
  3. No jealousy over new relationships: As friends, you should support each other’s new relationships and not let jealousy affect your friendship. Understand that you both have the right to move on and find happiness with other people.
  4. Manage expectations: Recognize that your friendship will be different from your romantic relationship. Be open to the changes and manage your expectations accordingly.
  5. Respect each other’s feelings: Although you’re no longer romantically involved, it’s essential to respect each other’s feelings and emotions. Be sensitive to your ex’s emotions and support them as a friend.

Part 2: Communication Boundaries

  1. Establish clear communication rules: To avoid misunderstandings, establish clear communication rules, such as how often you’ll communicate, what topics are off-limits, and how you’ll handle conflicts as friends.
  2. No late-night or intoxicated communication: Late-night or intoxicated communication can lead to blurred lines and emotional confusion. Stick to communicating during appropriate hours and avoid potentially problematic situations.
  3. Keep conversations light: Focus on lighthearted conversations and avoid discussing heavy topics that could potentially rekindle old emotions or spark arguments.

Part 3: Physical Boundaries

  1. No physical intimacy: To maintain a platonic friendship, it’s essential to avoid any form of physical intimacy, including cuddling, holding hands, or kissing. Establish clear physical boundaries and stick to them.
  2. Limit physical touch: While some physical touch is normal in friendships, be mindful of your boundaries and avoid excessive touch that could be misconstrued as romantic interest.
  3. Be respectful of each other’s personal space: Just as with any other friendship, respect each other’s personal space and avoid invading it without permission.

Part 4: Social Boundaries

  1. Introduce new partners gradually: When either of you starts dating someone new, introduce them to your friendship gradually and with sensitivity. Be respectful of your ex’s feelings and ensure they’re comfortable with the new dynamic.
  2. Maintain separate social lives: While it’s natural to share some mutual friends, it’s essential to maintain separate social lives to avoid codependency and ensure a healthy friendship.
  3. No public displays of affection: Refrain from public displays of affection that could send mixed signals to others or cause confusion within your friendship.
  4. Be mindful of social media interactions: Limit your interactions on social media to avoid giving the wrong impression or causing misunderstandings. Be respectful of each other’s online presence and boundaries.

Part 5: Personal Growth and Self-Care Boundaries

  1. Focus on personal growth: Use the time after your breakup to focus on personal growth and self-improvement. This will not only help you heal but also set the foundation for a healthy friendship with your ex.
  2. Prioritize self-care: Take care of your emotional, mental, and physical well-being during this transitional period. Prioritizing self-care will help you maintain a healthy friendship with your ex and ensure you’re in a good place emotionally.
  3. Seek support from other friends and family: Rely on your support network of friends and family to help you navigate your new friendship with your ex. Avoid relying solely on your ex for emotional support, as this could lead to codependency and blurred boundaries.

Part 6: Respecting Each Other’s Boundaries

  1. Regularly assess and reassess boundaries: As your friendship with your ex evolves, it’s important to regularly assess and reassess your boundaries to ensure they remain appropriate and effective. Have open and honest conversations about your boundaries and make adjustments as needed.
  2. Respect each other’s boundaries: The most crucial aspect of maintaining a healthy friendship with an ex is to respect each other’s boundaries. Communicate your boundaries clearly, and be understanding and supportive of your ex’s boundaries as well.


Being friends with an ex can be a complex and challenging endeavor, but by establishing clear and unspoken boundaries, it is possible to maintain a healthy, platonic relationship after the romantic relationship has ended. By focusing on emotional, communication, physical, social, personal growth, and self-care boundaries, you can navigate this new friendship with respect, understanding, and care.

Remember, the key to a successful friendship with an ex is communication and mutual respect. By following these 20 unspoken boundaries, you can ensure that both parties feel comfortable and secure in their new platonic relationship, ultimately creating a strong foundation for a long-lasting friendship.

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