Audio Summary –
Listen to the audio summary
Text Summary –
13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do
Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success
Amy Morin, a psychotherapist, wrote a letter to herself listing 13 things that mentally strong people don’t do when she was going through a difficult time in 2013. She later shared it on her blog and it went viral, reaching 50 million people. She then turned it into a bestselling book that has been translated into 40 languages. The book provides 13 real-life examples of bad habits replaced by better ones, and readers can learn from these examples to build their own personal toolbox for dealing with life’s challenges.
Mentally strong people replace self-pity with gratitude.
Amy Morin observed two drivers react differently to a minor car accident, with one feeling lucky and the other feeling unlucky. The second driver’s reaction is an example of self-pity, which mentally strong people avoid. Self-pity can be self-destructive because it trains the mind to focus on the negatives, making us more miserable and causing us to overlook positive experiences. An effective antidote to self-pity is gratitude, which can be practiced by making a daily gratitude list or keeping a gratitude journal. By practicing gratitude, we can shift our mindset and become more mentally strong.
Mentally strong people hold onto their power and forgive others.
Lauren, a mother of two, struggled with an overbearing mother-in-law who criticized her parenting and weight. She kept a polite facade but found herself constantly complaining and ruminating about her mother-in-law. This is an example of giving others power over oneself, which mentally strong people avoid. To regain control, Lauren and her husband set clear and respectful boundaries with her mother-in-law, which helped Lauren take back control of her family home and life.
Mentally strong people are always ready to embrace change.
Mentally strong people understand that change can be challenging, but they don’t let that stop them from taking action. They break down their goals into manageable steps and create a plan of action that they can stick to. This helps them build momentum and stay motivated as they work towards their desired outcome. By taking small, incremental steps, they can gradually make progress and achieve their goals without feeling overwhelmed or discouraged. And this approach can be applied to any area of life, whether it’s improving your health, building better relationships, or pursuing your career aspirations.
Mentally strong people don’t get distracted by things they can’t control.
Mentally strong people also know that getting upset or angry about things that are out of their control is a waste of energy. It doesn’t change anything about the situation and only causes unnecessary stress and negativity.
Instead, mentally strong people focus on what they can control, such as their own thoughts, behaviors, and reactions. They try to approach difficult situations with a calm and rational mindset and look for solutions instead of getting caught up in the problem.
Always wanting to please others doesn’t work, and being ready to sometimes displease makes you stronger.
People-pleasing is a common behavior pattern that many of us fall into. We want to make others happy and avoid conflict, so we say yes to things we don’t really want to do, or we keep our opinions to ourselves to avoid upsetting others. But this can be a dangerous cycle that leads to burnout and resentment.
Mentally strong people understand that it’s impossible to please everyone all the time. They also recognize that their own needs and values are important too. So, instead of always trying to please others, they learn to say no when necessary and stand up for their own beliefs and values.
This doesn’t mean mentally strong people are rude or unkind. It simply means they have the confidence to speak up when needed and make decisions based on what’s best for them, even if it means displeasing others. They understand that setting boundaries are important for their own well-being and that it’s okay to prioritize their own needs and goals.
For example, imagine a coworker asks you to work on a project over the weekend, but you had already made plans with your family. Instead of saying yes to please your coworker, a mentally strong person would explain their prior commitment and suggest an alternative solution. They wouldn’t feel guilty about potentially disappointing their coworker because they know that their own well-being is important too.
In short, being ready to sometimes displease others doesn’t make you mean or selfish. It makes you mentally strong and confident in your own values and priorities.
Mentally strong people are not afraid of taking calculated risks.
Taking risks can be intimidating, but it’s essential for growth and progress. Mentally strong people understand this and are not afraid to take calculated risks.
Calculated risks are different from reckless ones. A calculated risk is one that you have thought through, weighed the pros and cons, and made an informed decision based on the information you have. Reckless risks are ones that are taken without proper consideration or understanding of the potential consequences.
Mentally strong people understand the difference between the two and are not afraid to take calculated risks when they see an opportunity for growth or change. They recognize that taking risks can lead to failure, but they also understand that failure is a necessary part of growth and learning.
When taking risks, mentally strong people also have a plan in place for dealing with potential setbacks or failures. They don’t just jump into a risky situation without considering the potential outcomes. Instead, they assess the risks, plan for the worst-case scenario, and prepare themselves mentally and emotionally for any outcome.
Taking calculated risks can lead to great rewards, such as personal growth, career advancement, or financial success. Mentally strong people understand that taking risks is necessary to achieve their goals, and they are not afraid to step outside of their comfort zone to do so.
Coming to terms with the past makes you stronger, but it takes concrete steps to do so.
Our past can shape who we are and influence our decisions in the present. But holding onto negative experiences or emotions from the past can also hold us back from moving forward and achieving our goals. This is why coming to terms with the past is important for building mental strength.
However, coming to terms with the past is not always easy. It can involve facing uncomfortable emotions and memories, and it may take time to work through them. But taking concrete steps to deal with the past can help in building mental strength.
One way to come to terms with the past is to acknowledge and accept what happened. This means facing the truth of what occurred, including any mistakes or regrets we may have. It also means accepting the emotions that come with these experiences, such as sadness, anger, or guilt.
Another step is to learn from the past. This involves reflecting on what happened and what we can take away from the experience. This can help us to identify patterns in our behavior or thought processes, and make positive changes for the future.
Finally, it’s important to practice forgiveness. This can involve forgiving ourselves for any mistakes we may have made, as well as forgiving others who may have hurt us. Forgiveness can help to release any negative emotions or grudges we may be holding onto, and allow us to move forward with a sense of peace.
Overall, coming to terms with the past takes time and effort, but it’s an important step in building mental strength. By acknowledging what has happened, learning from the past, and practicing forgiveness, we can move forward with a greater sense of clarity and purpose.
Mentally strong people avoid repeating the same mistakes, and this requires self-discipline.
Mentally strong people recognize the value of learning from their mistakes and avoiding repeating them. They use self-discipline to make changes in their behavior, thoughts, and actions to prevent repeating past errors.
Self-discipline is the ability to control oneself and stick to one’s commitments, even when it’s hard. It’s a crucial trait in avoiding repeating the same mistakes, as it helps to maintain focus on the desired outcome and avoid temptations that may lead to past errors.
To develop self-discipline, mentally strong people create a plan and stick to it. This may involve setting specific goals, creating a schedule, and tracking progress towards those goals. They also learn to resist temptation and avoid procrastination, knowing that these behaviors can derail their progress.
Mentally strong people also use the power of positive self-talk to stay motivated and focused. They remind themselves of their goals and the reasons why they want to avoid repeating past mistakes. They also celebrate their successes, no matter how small, to maintain a positive attitude and keep moving forward.
Finally, mentally strong people understand that avoiding past mistakes is a continuous process. They know that even with self-discipline and careful planning, there may still be setbacks and mistakes along the way. However, they use these experiences as opportunities to learn and grow and adjust their strategies accordingly to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future.
Mentally strong people don’t envy other people’s success but rather seek to collaborate with them.
Mentally strong people don’t let envy or jealousy consume them when they see others succeed. Instead, they see success as an opportunity to learn from others and seek collaboration.
Envy and jealousy can create negative feelings that can prevent us from growing and connecting with others. However, mentally strong people use their feelings of envy as a motivation to strive for their own success while admiring the success of others. They don’t see success as a limited resource, but rather as something that can be shared and celebrated with others.
Collaborating with successful individuals can also create opportunities for personal growth and learning. By working together, mentally strong people can share knowledge and skills, and build stronger relationships. They are not threatened by the success of others, but rather seek to learn from it and use it as a tool for their own growth.
In conclusion, mentally strong people do not let envy or jealousy consume them when they see others succeed. Instead, they see success as an opportunity to learn and collaborate with others, and they celebrate the success of those around them.
Mentally strong people don’t give up easily, and they are self-compassionate about failure.
Mentally strong people don’t give up easily. They persist in the face of obstacles and setbacks, and they keep pushing themselves to achieve their goals. This doesn’t mean that they don’t experience failure or setbacks – they do, just like everyone else. But the difference is that they don’t let failure define them or discourage them from trying again.
In fact, mentally strong people use failure as a learning opportunity. They analyze what went wrong, and they use that knowledge to improve their future performance. They don’t beat themselves up over their mistakes or dwell on their shortcomings. Instead, they approach failure with self-compassion, recognizing that it’s a natural part of the learning process.
Mentally strong people are comfortable being alone and use meditation to become more resilient
Mentally strong people recognize the importance of solitude and the benefits it can have on their mental health. Being alone doesn’t necessarily mean being lonely; rather, it can be an opportunity for reflection, self-discovery, and personal growth.
In addition to spending time alone, mentally strong people also use various techniques, such as meditation, to become more resilient. Meditation is a practice that involves focusing your attention on a specific object, thought, or activity to train your mind to be more present and focused. Through regular meditation, individuals can learn to regulate their emotions, reduce stress and anxiety, and increase their ability to concentrate.
Many people have an entitlement mentality, but strong people concentrate on giving rather than taking.
An entitlement mentality is a belief that one is deserving of certain privileges or special treatment without necessarily earning it. This attitude often stems from a sense of entitlement based on factors such as social status, wealth, or other forms of privilege.
In contrast, mentally strong people concentrate on giving rather than taking. They understand that life is not about what one can get, but what one can contribute. They are willing to put in the hard work and effort to earn their success rather than expecting it to be handed to them.
Mentally strong people also recognize that giving is a powerful tool for personal growth and happiness. They find fulfillment in helping others and making a positive impact in their community. This can take many forms, such as volunteering, donating to charity, or simply being kind and compassionate toward others.
Mentally strong people recognize that achievements take time and that progress isn’t always immediately apparent.
Mentally strong people understand that success and progress are not achieved overnight. They recognize that it takes time and effort to reach their goals and that setbacks and obstacles are part of the process. They don’t get discouraged by slow progress, but instead, they focus on the small steps they can take each day to move forward.
Furthermore, mentally strong people understand that progress is not always immediately apparent. Sometimes it takes a while for the results of their efforts to show, but they trust in the process and keep pushing forward. They also understand that success is not just about achieving a certain goal, but also about the journey they take to get there.
To stay motivated and focused on the long-term, mentally strong people set realistic and achievable goals. They break down larger goals into smaller ones and celebrate each step along the way. They also track their progress, so they can see how far they’ve come and stay motivated to keep going.
Overall, mentally strong people understand that achieving great things takes time, effort, and perseverance. They stay patient, stay focused, and keep moving forward, even when progress seems slow or uncertain.
About the Author –
Amy Morin, a psychotherapist, and licensed clinical social worker is a regular columnist for Forbes, where she writes about business and psychology. She is also the host of The Verywell Mind Podcast.